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Mark Rosenberg has had more ups and downs with his weight than Oprah–but unlike Oprah, no one gives a sh*t. Coming of age very outrageously as an overweight, soon-to-be gay kid, he learns to relate to others by way of his beloved "Melrose Place" and "Clueless"–which serves him well when exiled to fat camp and faced with an opportunity to bribe an adulterous counselor or poison his stepmother by birthday cake–and thinks nothing of dressing as Homey the Clown (in blackface) for Halloween.